The beginning of the end?

Well things have been rocky for a while with me & J. We have had a couple of heart to heart talks about trying to salvage our marriage. I have been making a full scale attempt to make things better but he hasn't and he admits he is having a hard time trying.

Basically I told him tonight that he needs to figure out what he wants. I'm tired of trying to be a wife if he isn't going to try to be a husband. He's angry with all of us half the time he is around and when he is around, he pretty much wants to sleep. But nothing we do around here makes him happy. He doesn't like anything and everyone is tired of being yelled at.

He's good friends with women at work. The other morning I woke up to find him in the kitchen talking on the phone with one. He talks to them on the phone and I wouldn't be surprised that he texts them. He admits he would have problems if I was talking to men like he talks to women but yet he doesn't want to give up his friends. It does bother me that he is more willing to talk to them than he is to me. But yet I do understand the need to talk with friends. He says without them he would have been gone.

And he admits he isn't sure that he does love me. I know I love him but I'm reaching the point where I know that I can't continue the pretense of this all. He had been talking about getting me a Valentine's Day gift and I told him not to waste the time or money until he knows that he loves me, that right now it is a cruel insult to me. He even refused sex the other day because he feels like it is wrong while he is trying to figure out what he wants.

While I want this to work out, I guess I need to prepare myself for the possibility of how I'm going to raise 3 kids on my own. But let me say that it hurts deeply to hear someone you have been married to for 22 years to say the words that he isn't sure that he loves you any more.