8 Things You Don't Know About Me

Damn these are hard. I hate you Kimmah for making me think this hard.

1. I have a wart like growth on my right nipple.

2. I can only wink with my left eye, can't do it to save my life with my right eye.

3. I'm still scared of mirrors at night, having played Bloody Mary as a kid.

4. I really don't understand basketball rules.

5. I liked playing tennis as a teenager but never had anyone to play with so I never got into it more.

6. I have no sense of tone or rhythm so dancing and singing is beyond embarrassing. And I love doing both when no one is around.

7. I don't think I have ever studied for a test in my life.

8. I love to listen to gossip.

Ok, so I will tag KimmieD. She has to do this next.

Lyrics and Music

Part of my getting through this process involves music. I listen to Settling by Sugarland at least three times a day, whenever I need reminding that moving forward is good for me.

Now I have a new one.

"Stand" By Rascal Flatts

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright
[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you
Stand,
Then you stand

Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]

Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Ooohhh

[Repeat Chorus]

I know, I'm a slacker

It has been hard to blog. I alternate from feeling in control to being out of control. I hate the way J makes me still feel. I start to feel pretty in a dress (my first dress in about 10 years, I haven't even worn a skirt in over 6 years) and he destroys that feeling in a second. I wake up to his phone ringing and it is a call from his "friend" and the ringtone is "Lips of an Angel". Then he takes my kids to her house and I get to hear how much fun they had with her. He then tries to tell me how he spent Friday night crying and how much it hurt for KB to call him asking when was he coming home. Well it was his decision not to come home. He tried to tell me not to let the kids do that to him. Yeah right, I told him I was not going to tell the kids when they could or could not call because I don't want him accusing me of keeping the kids from calling. And I'm not worried about his feelings. He made this bed and he can lie in it.

We will tell the kids after Memorial Day weekend. We have a lot of plans for the weekend with family and friends and don't want to have this hurting them. Then he won't be home at the same time as me until Thursday night so that is when we will tell them. He is then spending the next week getting his stuff together and out. I feel like that is when my life can start over.

He spent the weekend being the fun Dad. Nevermind he is usually the strict no fun one. Now he wants to be the fun Dad. They will buy it for a while but it won't last.

And then I start realizing how scared I am of starting over. I can handle the taking care of kids, I do that mostly alone anyway. But the whole dating thing - I have never been anyone else. I'm not sure I really know how to kiss. I'm pretty sure I'm not any good in bed. Yeah, my self esteem is not feeling too good today. We took a picture of me in my new dress and now I see how fat I look in it. I felt pretty in it until I saw the picture. Now I don't feel confident in it like I did when I bought it.