Two things that are on my mind at the moment
I'm seriously disappointed in the Cowboy's performance today. Bledsoe didn't have his stuff together. His interceptions were on him for bad throws. The whole stretching on the sideline is a sign that he isn't going to make it long.
Secondly, I have a pimple in my pussy. It hurts to walk. I get these often and I hate them. Usually, despite the pain, I can pop it and it goes away. This one won't pop and it just keeps on hurting.
Ok, carry on. Nothing exciting in my world.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Monday, September 04, 2006
Realizations
I have realized I have a phobia, besides my well documented phobia of fire. Now I know I am and have been afraid of crowds. We took the kids to a festival here in town. People come from all over the states to go to it. Well J had to go help look for a missing kid and I was manuvering the crowds with the twins. I got impatient, starting to have an anxiety attack and couldn't get all of us out of there fast enough. The same thing on a smaller scale happened the night before when just J&I were there.
Looking back, I have been that way at fairs, crowded malls, etc. As J pointed out, I'm that way in traffic congestation. I guess this is the reason I was anxious for us to move away from Dallas.
But the bigger realization is that I'm still having issues with trusting J. He made a mistake a few months ago. Not the worst kind of mistake, just one that hurt. I guess I'm still not trusting him and I'm still acting out. This all came out tonight. I haven't been good lately of throwing away my soda cans in the living room and I had a small collection on the end table. I went to throw them away and they were makred with a M on the top of the can. J had been cleaning in the living room and I thought maybe he had marked them as Monday, like he was keeping up with how long it would take me to throw them away. It really pissed me off and I called him at work about what his point was. He said he didn't do it and I believe him (probably was K, not sure if M was for Mom or what she is up to). But he is hurt now that I would think that of him. And he is right, that would be really shitty for me to suspect him of. He doesn't make comments about my housekeeping/lack of housekeeping skills.
Part of the issue is my stress level is skyrocketing. I'm upset about work, worried about finances and just not a happy person. I'm taking it out on the wrong people and I have to do better with them. They don't deserve the way I am right now.
Looking back, I have been that way at fairs, crowded malls, etc. As J pointed out, I'm that way in traffic congestation. I guess this is the reason I was anxious for us to move away from Dallas.
But the bigger realization is that I'm still having issues with trusting J. He made a mistake a few months ago. Not the worst kind of mistake, just one that hurt. I guess I'm still not trusting him and I'm still acting out. This all came out tonight. I haven't been good lately of throwing away my soda cans in the living room and I had a small collection on the end table. I went to throw them away and they were makred with a M on the top of the can. J had been cleaning in the living room and I thought maybe he had marked them as Monday, like he was keeping up with how long it would take me to throw them away. It really pissed me off and I called him at work about what his point was. He said he didn't do it and I believe him (probably was K, not sure if M was for Mom or what she is up to). But he is hurt now that I would think that of him. And he is right, that would be really shitty for me to suspect him of. He doesn't make comments about my housekeeping/lack of housekeeping skills.
Part of the issue is my stress level is skyrocketing. I'm upset about work, worried about finances and just not a happy person. I'm taking it out on the wrong people and I have to do better with them. They don't deserve the way I am right now.
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