What a fucking week

I had the best time in Boise. Absolutely wonderful. Too much wine and nearly not enough sleep, all with the greatest friends in the world. I would be lying to say the wedding wasn't hard. My friend the bride was all aglow and shine, with a beautiful wedding ring rainbow above her head, promising and getting promised love forever. It made me angry that I was given those promises and got hurt in the end. But I guess anger is part of the process.

I did have a good moment where I realized that he is the one who failed us. He didn't want to try to keep things going, even though he claims he had tried for years. When push came to shove, he wasn't willing to try and that is ultimately where we failed. He has said several times he couldn't understand why I kept him around if he was such a lousy person. He wasn't lousy, there were things that I didn't like but put up with as part of the compromise that you do in a marriage. But once he said he didn't love me any more (or later put disclaimers on what way he loved me), I realized I didn't have to put up with those shits.

Ok, for the full description of my crappy week let me label some characters so you can follow the story. C is my boss, who I have a good friendship with. We have worked closely for 6 years, gone to lunch most days together and shared much about our lives with each other. J is another accountant who has been there about 3 years. Everyone likes her but she worries more about being liked and such than about her work. Almost every time I have asked her to make entries that affected my sets of books, she makes them backwards and I have to get her to do them again. P is the Director of Finance and an ass. He has stirred up shit in our department ever since they hired him a little over a year ago. He doesn't know what he is doing with our books and has had an agenda since day one to get rid of me, C and our former Asst Controller who is now gone. T is the CFO. Nice guy, naive about what is really going on and hates conflict of any kind.

So last Friday while I was out having fun with friends, C overheard P on the phone telling someone that there is about to be a major overhaul of the department and how "she" keeps pulling this stuff but it is all about to come to an end. So C spent the weekend sending out resumes, etc and immediately got interviews on Tuesday. Wednesday T tells C that P is going to put over the department and that she will now answer to P. C says no way in hell will she answer to P. Right before it is time for me to leave at 4, T calls me to his office to tell me that P is now in charge of the department and that I will be reporting to him instead of C. I told him as I have in the past that I believe my job is in jeopardy under P and he tells me that I'm a victim of C's paranoia and how this is all because of C's attitude. I remind him how P has undermined C's authority within the department but T brushes that off, like they have when I have brought this up before.

I go home. Next morning, I get called to P's office where it is P&J waiting for me. I'm told that the department was notified late yesterday of the reorganization (interesting, after C & I had left for the day) and that I would now be reporting to J, who is now the Accounting Manager. I'm handed the organization chart, which lists me as a Staff Accountant. So I asked if this means I have been demoted as I was a Senior Staff Accountant. According to P (because J did almost no talking) I have never been anything but a SA and that Senior Staff Accountant is a discriminatory title and was just the label on the nameplate on my door. I then see that I am no longer a supervisor and confirmed that. Again I ask if this means I have been demoted and I'm told no (must find out their interpretations and definitions). I'm then told I am starting with a clean slate but I had better change my attitude or there will be consequences. Nothing to give me guidelines on what they mean by attitude, nothing clear except a threat as far as I can hear.

They met with people in the department off and on all day. Rumor is that at least once they used these meetings to get dirt on me. No surprise there. C gets a job offer and gives her notice. Again a meeting with the department after she leaves. No respect whatsoever. It kills me that the month after we did our fastest turnaround time in putting out financials, they feel a need to reorganize the department. My new supervisor hasn't said a word to me all day Thursday or Friday. She can't even look me in the eyes.

Well before the meeting with P&J on Thursday, I had already sent out resumes on Monster and through ads in the paper. At 9 am, I get a call on one and went Thursday after work to an interview. I'm the most impressive resume they have, my salary was what they expected to hear (although they aren't sure what they can offer yet, more on that next week). The job wouldn't be hard compared to what I'm used to. It isn't what I want long term but definitely something to get me out of where I am now.

Then Thursday, me and the STBX (soon to be X) told the twins our news about the upcoming divorce. KB took it like I thought she would, lots of tears and some heart pulling comments. Her twin on the other hand, cried for a few moments and then got up to horse around with his big brother (who already knew). But after a few minutes he came to the conclusion that big brother could go with the STBX and the twins could stay with me and then they wouldn't have big brother problems. That kid, figuring out that divorcing his brother is the answer to all of his problems. Gotta love how he processes information.

I tell you, if it wasn't for Lexapro, I don't think I would have survived Thursday.

Friday was quiet at work, nobody hardly will talk to me as I'm clearly persona non Grata. I have decided if I get this other job or any other job, I'm giving my resignation to T, not to P&J. I just can't honor them as my superiors when they know nothing about my work at all, but can worry about my attitude. My leaving in the wake of C's is going to be a disaster. There are so many things that only she & I know. They will be as screwed as they have made me feel. But this is what they are working for, as short sighted as it is. I hope that management has lots of questions as to why in 6 months time the controller, the assistant controller and the most senior accountant all left because I have a few answers.

Saturday the STBX moved out. I should have been sadder. But I wasn't. It was weird to be in the house all alone all day. I cleaned parts of the house and read a lot. My oldest didn't want to stay with his dad last night so he stayed here with me with two of his friends. At least I wasn't completely alone. But in two weeks, I will be and that will be a hard night.