Confused

Today I'm wondering where J's mind has gone. He used to be vehement about people smoking around the kids and now he is dating a woman who smokes (but he told the kids not to tell me that she smokes). He used to beyond vehement about kids on 4 wheelers but this weekend he not only let T play on one (without a helmet) but talked about them getting one. He used to be overly protective of the kids. Well I know where his mind is part of the time. I guess Julie gives much better head than I did (not hard, I know that was one thing I wasn't good at).

He used to be a very honorable man but he is not any longer. He lied to me, I guess for quite some time. He is now encouraging the kids to lie to me. I think this is one reason that I'm not as sad about the divorce as I maybe should be, he is not the man I used to know. That man has left the Earth.

He gave me permission to date. That was a riotously funny moment. What he doesn't get is the following.

1. I don't have the energy to date right now. I'm a full time parent to his part time parenting. In addition, I have a house and yard to maintain. Like I get to go home tonight and fix a toilet.

2. I'm enjoying being in charge. I never realized how much control he kept on us in the house. I'm not saying all men would be this way, but right now I don't have to negotiate with another adult about what and when things are done or how they are done.

But I would like to be with other adults more. I would like to have someone around to do things like help with the toilet. But I certainly don't need his permission to date.