Well since I last updated, much has been going on. I decided it was time for action. I set up a new bank account in my name and contacted an attorney.
Apparently I crossed a line. J was very upset when I told him about my checking account. He just doesn't understand that even if we stay together, that I have to know what is going on with the money. Too many times I have gone to pay bills and he has done something I know nothing about. In the last month he didn't deposit one check, the same week withdrew all of his part time check out of the bank, bought $50 of stuff from Amazon, paid $400 of past due balance on his cell phone and bought new scrubs. Amazingly, when I went to pay the gas bill (which he knew I was paying) there was no money and it bounced. They are very unforgiving on a bounced check and I couldn't negotiate anything. I had to borrow it to take care of it. And he is confused why I think I need my own account.
Yesterday we got into a big argument about money and he demanded I do a budget. So I was trying to do a budget of the basics we pay for and he then got into the schedule and started adding all the things we should do. Well we are $100 short on income just doing what we must and that doesn't begin to cover the things we should do. And I need a new car this year so I'm not sure where we begin to find money each month for a car payment and additional insurance.
When he started seeing I was serious about a divorce, he started changing his tune (actually it went, he spent years being miserable and he didn't seek a divorce, so why am I?) and is now willing to go to counseling. I have an appointment set up but honestly I think we have gone past the point of no return.
It is interesting to hear him excuse his behavior. For example, his online affair with a co-worker last year is excused by the fact that I could be doing the same thing and just haven't been caught. I mean, I have two email accounts (three if you count work), I text message a friend and have phone calls. So therefore, his behavior is excused because I have the same opportunity and just haven't been caught. AND he wouldn't have done that if things were good at home, so therefore it is my fault. He is a hypocrite on some issues and can't begin to see it.
I know I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but at least I believe I'm honest about myself. And I think this budget thing showed him that bringing hom $1K a month is not going to be easy for him to live on.
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3 comments:
is the $1K before he pays you double digit percentage child support?
I cannot believe that he is trying to make excuses for his behavior in that manner. What a jerk.
Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. I know it. I'm dealing with that.
I'm proud of you for doing all that you are T-You need to do what is right for you first and foremost and then the kids.
Keep this mantra in your head:
"It is not about me, it is about him."
Everything he does he makes a conscious choice to do. DO NOT let him get away with his pathetic, manipulative and dare I say it, emotional abusive "justifications" of having an affair (whether it is emotional or physical). I can tell you there are many men out there who get out of a bad relationship before they venture into another.
He is choosing to be unhappy. He is choosing to do what he does in life. He needs to wake up to reality and become a man.
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