Well J agreed to counseling but in usually fashion, on his terms. I had found one that we could get in to see but the times didn't work for him. So I told him to call her and set up a time that did work for him. No he hasn't called. He doesn't realize it but he has until the end of the week.
In the meantime, I have come to realize what it is I want in a relationship. I had a dream today about falling in love. Someone who would cherish me and find me to be a partner, an equal. But mostly I want someone who I matter to.
J knows I have cried and that this journey has been physically hard on me. And in some ways, I think he feels I deserve this because I have been supposedly so horrible to him. Maybe counseling could help us get through these issues but I think I have evolved in my thinking of life without him. I don't know that I can have my dream of being loved like I want to be loved. But as things are right now, I won't have it with J.
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1 comment:
(((T))) I love you lady. I'm also proud of you for doing what is right for you and doing it your way instead of everyone elses.
It is heartbreaking to realize what you want in a relationship will never happen with the one you're with.
No matter what you do you know you have my support.
xoxo
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